Not Feeling Himself
by Scarlett-Clarke
Summary: A short little SuFin drabble for R. K Iris. Tino sometimes gets these feelings of anger and upset which always tears at Berwald but getting past it is only a memory away.


**A/N – This is a belated birthday present (sorry!) for R. K Iris and also a thank you for your lovely little drabble that you dedicated to me!**

**Check out her story 'My Friend Natalia'. It will definitely get you hooked!**

**To R.K Iris, I hope this does justice to what you asked for (it's a sort of fluffy/drabbley/smexy thing – but only if you squint!) and if it doesn't I am sorry but time is not on my side. I tried my best after a long hiatus! xD **

**ps - the lines indicate changes in the pov between Finland and Sweden.**

**Not Feeling Himself**

**SuFin One Shot**

The Fin sat in the shadow of the small house looking up at the snowflakes that drifted down from the sky. There was sadness in his heart and it was starting to consume him, like a dark stain in his usually happy persona that was slowly seeping through the cracks of his entire being and turning everything he saw negative and dark.

* * *

This wasn't unusual for him. Maybe once or twice every 6 months, the bright young man would curl in on himself and become more silent than his partner. These phases often worried Berwald and he currently stood in the doorway, watching his boyfriend sit in the snow. He could go to him but he knew the response. Tino would either sit, ram rod straight and tense in his arms, none of the usual warmth or enthusiasm, or his face would twist into a growl that changed his face into someone else. His teeth bared and his eyes flashed and he would shove the tall Swede away with strength that rivalled even their obnoxious American friend. Often after that, he would either retreat into a corner of the house that wasn't occupied by Berwald or Peter and sometimes.. the worst times.. He would disappear into the nearby woods for hours on end, just walking until he was either tired or he had come full circle back to the house. These were the worst because Berwald couldn't contact him, had no idea where he was or when, if, he'd be back.

* * *

He would always come back and the Fin knew, deep in his heart, he would always run back to his lover, no matter what. But there were times, dark times, when Tino wished he were different. Wished he wasn't this pathetic, little man who hid behind another instead of fighting for himself. He had run away from the bullies at school, he had run from his own friends when times got tough and he wished he weren't so weak. It was during moments like this when Tino wanted to burst into tears all over again and scream but he didn't. He locked it away and moved on. He wouldn't show it, never in front of Berwald.

* * *

Finally, Berwald couldn't stand it any longer and he strode over, pulling the door shut behind him and he grabbed the Fin under his arms, dragging him up the steps until he was sat on the top step. The taller Swedish man sat behind him, his long legs trapping him from both sides and his arms pinned the smaller down. Tino's eyes widened in surprise and he instinctively kicked and struggled, trying to lash out.

* * *

"Get off! Get off!" he yelled, trying to throw the Swede off by he eventually lost out, on both strength and stamina to the persistent man and he slumped in his arms. Eventually he cautiously lay back so he was using Berwald's chest as a support and he sighed. "Ok, you win..." he muttered sulkily. But, after a moment, rested his head against the strong shoulder and sighed as Berwald held him close, his hands in the smaller man's hair.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" he asked quietly. The Fin shook his head. "Tino.." he sighed warningly.

The smaller man sighed. "I'm weak. I'm useless. I can't stand up for myself and.. And.." he whimpered quietly. "I'm sorry Ber.." he whispered and pressed his face into the soft shirt of his partner. The Swedish man sighed and let his hands wander through Tino's hair. "Do you remember when I first started at school?" he asked quietly.

Tino blinked as the memory suddenly flooded back.

"Oh..."

* * *

_A young Tino of maybe 7 or 8, sat on the wall of his school playground, swinging his legs. His friends had left him again so he sat by himself, watching the other children run around and have fun. He sighed before spotting another boy stood on the other side of the playground. The boy was new, taller than Tino – but then, most people were – with glasses and tufty blonde hair.. And so far, the new boy hadn't said a word to anyone. The young Fin's head tipped to the side in interest and just as he slid off the wall to go and say hello, a group of larger boys stood over the other. They jeered and laughed and pulled at his clothes and his bag. The new boy just sat there and took it, still not making a sound._

_Tino's little fists curled up in anger. He hated bullies and before he could think about what the consequences would be for him if he intervened, he stomped over and stood between the older group and the new boys. Glaring up at them, his nerves suddenly kicked in but he shook them away and held onto the new boy's sleeve._

"_Leave him alone! He never did anything to you and you're just a bunch of nasty bullies!" he yelled, dragging the other boy up and pulling him away, towards the school toilets. It was only as they walked, Tino realised quite how tall the other was. The poor Fin only just reached his shoulder._

_They reached the safety of the toilets without any further issues and Tino turned, stopping in front of the other and grinned. It faded a little as he looked at the boy's face for the first time and registered that the sharp features held shock, surprise and a slight wariness._

"_My name's Tino __Väinämöinen. I'm from Finland," he said brightly. The other just stared a moment before muttering the first words since he had started at the school._

"_Berwald Oxenstierna," he muttered in an accent so strong, Tino almost had to ask him to repeat what he'd said._

"_Where are you from?"_

"_Sweden."_

"_Why don't you speak?"_

_The Swedish boy was a little more hesitant to answer this time but, eventually, he replied, "Because no one understands my accent. They think I'm stupid and I don't like speaking..." he said slowly._

_Tino blinked. "That's it? You don't speak because people tease you about your accent?" Berwald nodded in reply._

"_You shouldn't be afraid of that. Everyone here has a different accent and is from different places. You should be proud of where you come from and you should be proud of your accent because it's cool accent," he finished with a bright grin and slowly, very slowly, the Swedish boy's lips twitch up into a small, shy smile._

* * *

Tino smiled at the memory. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten it!

"I remember!" he cried out happily.

Berwald let a small smile grace his still sharp features as his hands moved from the smaller blonde's hair and down to his shoulders and sides, rubbing softly. "I think, if you could save someone like me then, you can pull yourself out of this and save yourself now," he murmured quietly into the back of his neck.

The Fin sat for a moment and considered for a moment before shifting round in his lover's lap so he was straddling him. "Ok. Ok I'll try. For you Sve.." he smiled, a hint of his usual, bright sparkle returning to his eyes. "Thank you.." he whispered and leant forward, kissing the man softly.

Berwald smiled as he kissed back and soon enough, the kiss became passionate and needy. Tino was pressed flush against Berwald's chest, the Swede's hands holding him firmly in place in the crushing position while Tino's hands tangled in his short blonde hair, pulling him closer into the kiss, his mouth opening a little as he let the other pin his tongue down with his own and explore the mouth he'd explored so many times before.

* * *

Hands soon ran up under shirts and tried to push the fabric aside, breaths came out in needy pants and hips moved against the other and before Tino knew it, Berwald had picked him up and was carrying him into the house. His legs wrapped tightly around the tall blonde's waist and he whimpered as his neck was attacked with kisses, nips and sucks.

"Missed you Tino," Berwald said, as he dropped his lover gently on the bed and gazed down at him with a mixture of love and relief.

"Missed you too," Tino grinned and pulled the Swedish man down with him. "Now kiss me."

Soon enough, Tino's happy laugh began to fill the house again... followed by a moan or two...

* * *

**Final Note: Thank you dear reader for taking the time out to read this. I know it's not the best but any sort of constructive review would be helpful. If not thank you anyway for reading and hopefully enjoying my word vomit :')**

**Scarlett~**


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